Where can you find the best darn burger in the ‘burbs?
Every meat-eater on the planet knows the answer to that, at least in their carnivorous opinion. For years I’ve been listening to my brother Nick (who is now a vegetarian) lecture me that the best burger in the Burgh was at a place called Tessaro’s in Bloomfield. I’ve eaten there. Not bad at all. My mother’s stove top burgers are fantastic. Come to think of it, my off-the-grill burgers are pretty good too.
But then, everything changed. I was sent to Burgatory in The Pointe at North Fayette.
I am a changed woman.
Don’t you dare call the hyperbole police because what I am about to type is truth: BURGATORY=BEST BURGER OF MY LIFE.
I can’t think of eating anything else now. I am ruined.
Mom and I decided to try the one in North Fayette recently. I had been hearing great things about this place from friends of mine who live in the Fox Chapel area (apparently the prototype began there).
I’m generally skeptical of burger joints. They tend to be on the greasy, fried, diner side of things. Burgatory is nothing like that. The atmosphere is borderline yuppy-ish with a healthy amount of sports-related propaganda to appeal to Western Pennsylvanian diners.
Their menu is actually pretty darn healthy for a meat joint. First of all their burgers are 100 percent all natural and hormone free, which I dig. You can pick the type of meat for your burger. Their options include: natural beef, dry aged Wagyu beef, bison, crab, chicken and veggie. Or you can mix ‘em up and make any kind of multiple item burger you want.
I went with the custom creation because I love being part of the creative food process. My burger was 100 percent natural beef on a whole wheat bun with no rub, no cheese and topped off with arugula, mayo and sriarcha. I had a side of coleslaw which included granny smith apples and peppercorns. My mother claims I ate the entire meal in approximately 2.3 minutes and I resembled, “a honey-badger.”
Mom was right. She ordered The Morty’s Steakhouse burger which consisted of peppercorn crusted beef burger with horseradish cheddar, haystack onions and a Cabernet sauce. It was gigantic so Mom was only able to eat about half of it, but she concurred – best burger ever.
My mom is a fantastic cook and severe food critic. When it comes to culinary matters, Starr Bonesso would never lie or exaggerate.
Up next for me? We’re talkin’ crab cake burger. Crab + burger toppings = Heaven. I heard a rumor that you can’t get to Heaven without a stop at Burgatory. I think I read that in the Food Bible.