I follow an eclectic group of people on Twitter, and when we’re not talking about the antics of our favorite reality TV stars, we have meaningful conversations about serious topics. Parenting comes up often. The other day we were talking about the concept of timeout versus spankings.
It seemed that few of my ‘tweethearts’ believed that timeout really doesn't work. As a fan of timeout for small children, it seemed that my pleas to at least try it were falling on deaf ears.
Don’t these people watch Supernanny? I wondered. They would see that, with patience, timeout can reign in the most unruly, candy-eating, back-talking toddlers.
Spanking seems to get a bad hand, no pun intended. Many people see spanking as a gateway to abuse, which is not always the case. I was on the receiving end of a few well-placed "taps" with the dreaded "spanking spoon" in my childhood, and I can honestly say that I never thought i was abused in any way.
I have used timeout with my own children as toddlers. The idea is to place the child in timeout for one minute for each year of age. So if you have a 3-year-old, the idea is to get them to sit in timeout for three minutes. You can decide if that time starts over if the child gets up, but that could make for a really long session. If you can stick with it, it really works.
The issue I have with spanking, especially only spanking, is that there is nowhere to go from there. If your only form of punishment is spanking, what do you do when that is no longer effective? As a parent and former classroom teacher, I strongly believe that behavior management is the real answer. By that I mean have a schedule for the children. In the classroom and at home, I know that most children act out from boredom. Putting them on a schedule and having set times for activities gives the child structure. (Supernanny almost always puts the youngsters on a schedule as part of her intervention.) Have rules for the table, for chores, etc., so children know what is expected of them.
If they break a rule, you place them in timeout. I guess if you use spanking you can graduate to that if that is something you believe in doing. I can't imagine spanking someone because they threw their peas at the table, but I can imagine giving them a second chance then putting them in time out. If they didn’t get the message after that, then I guess that wooden spoon to serve the peas could be used for something else.
